Saturday, September 23, 2006

Will The Circle Be Unbroken?

I have been M.I.A.

I love blogging. I love reading blogs and I love writing them. It has been my wish, my intent to sit down and write something for each of my blogs, each day this week. Mind you..I was without a computer for three days because ours had a little break down; Pat took the terminal to work and had one of the geniuses there look at it. Is plural of genius genii? Once the computer was back up and running, I could not sit down and write.

At present, I am emotionally and creatively barren. I have absolutely nothing left inside of me.

Earlier this week an old and dear friend who was down on his luck came to us for help. I will say, without modesty, that it was only out of goodness that we took him in. That hurts to say. We did it because we are good people. Not because we love him or care what happens to him or want him around. The truth is we don't want him around. He is a crisis is THE crisis junkie. He is an albatross, a pariah, the idol from The Brady Bunch that brought everyone bad luck. He swept in like a foul odoured wind and turned a deliriously happy home into a pit of dispair in just two days. That is all it took; two days. Today is day five and we told him he could stay here for a month.

I'm not going to make it. And frankly, neither is Pat.

We took him in because he had NOWHERE else to go. All his friends and all his family have turned their backs on him. No small wonder because he is the most selfish, self-centered, self-destructive, greedy, pitiful, pathetic, hopeless and hapless person I have ever known. Even our adopted son, whose character I so despise, is not so horrible a human being as to take such advantage (such LONGTERM) advantage of two people who have done so much for him.

I have seen my beloved Pat Dwyer's eyes this week and I know that, finally, at long last, his spirit is broken. He can no longer fathom people doing this kind of thing to us.

My own spirit has been broken for a long time; I am beyond repair. I do not put this in print on the internet for either the purpose of complaining or seeking sympathy. I say it because it is fact. I have spent my adult life taking care of and saving other people, usually ungrateful people. This one has gone so far beyond ungrateful that my happy and peaceful home is filled with hate.

I have actually realized that I hate this person who is living with us, who USED to be one of my dearest friends but whose revolting and stupid (STOOPID) behaviour and whose ingratitude and selfishness has, at long last, taught me how to hate.

And I don't know what I am going to do with that.

The first step is the remove the goiter and heal. This new experience must culminate with another new experience: telling someone I have loved that they are not welcome, that I cannot help (anymore) and that they need to leave, effective immediately.

Lord; give me strength.

I hope the next time you read me, I am Stephen again...


Anonymous annalisa said...

my dearest, dearest ste,

i am so saddened to see that my worst fears about this situation have indeed come true (perhaps in more catastrophic ways then even i imagined). it blows my mind that someone could so blindly take advantage of those who are (the only ones) trying to save them, but i guess that some people get so far into the pit that they are no longer able to see out.

i do know, however, that your loving home WILL turn into a safe haven again. i don't care if we have to get together an entire group of people to come smudge it and sing christmas carols to re-install the Happy Room to it's former glory.

until that time, know how much i love you and pat and how much i miss you. please call me ANYTIME.


12:53 AM  
Blogger StephenMosher said...


it's ok. remain calm. survival is my greatest talent.

but your friendship gives me strength, which makes survival easier.

have fun in texas and come home to us safely.

9:11 AM  
Blogger jungle dream pagoda said...

I am hoping he leaves the Happy Room to its own devices!

11:28 PM  
Blogger StephenMosher said...

I have white saged the happy room and reclaimed it!!!


9:17 AM  

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