We'd Like to Thank You, Herbert Hoover

"Maybe audiences don't want to watch a play about the depression, in the middle of a depression."

That's what someone said to me regarding the closing of the recent Broadway production of BRIGHTON BEACH MEMOIRS.

It actually sounded valid to me, though I saw the play and really loved it - but then, I don't allow my world to walk into a theater with me. The theater is designed to take me away from my world - it's best to leave that world out on the street.

When my friend said that, it was the first time someone has referred to the current economical crisis as a depression. My friend, Chris, referred to it as "a depressed economy", which validated (to me) my decision to call it a depression. I've been using that word for over a year and whenever someone corrects me by pointing out that "it's a recession", invariably, I reply "I'm depressed - aren't you?" it is a glib and clever way to hold ground and stay true to what I believe.

And what I believe is that this is a depression.

Oh, I know it isn't the GREAT depression. I know that things aren't as bad as they were in the decade of the 1930's.. but it doesn't have to get THAT bad for us to recognize that this is, in fact, a depression, do we? Businesses are closing left and right, people are laid off every day, I see lines of people outside stores and they are all holding resumes and job application and we have all heard the story about the man who killed himself and his family - and there are others. And, still, people argue with me when I use the word depression to describe the current state of affairs.

My friend, Doris, and I were talking about this very subject and she said something interesting: "Well... a depression IS something you come out of."

"Yes" says I, "that's true. And we arent' going to come out of this. We have to rebuild."

That's what I was thinking last night while talking to Ken and Jason. I said those words, too.

"January first, we begin rebuilding."

I was not, though, talking about the country.

I was talking about my home. I was talking about my family. The time has come to rebuild.

My husband was laid off a few months ago. It's alright. It was a job and a paycheck - but the job made him miserable. So with the layoff came a 401K and unemployment insurance. Time for a new beginning - hopefully one that will bring him happiness. I am a freelancer. I do photography work - but nobody is hiring me right now. I am a fitness trainer - but nobody is hiring me right now. In the middle of a depression, the first thing to go are the luxury items -- at least that's what people have told me. Apparently, I am a luxury item. People can get a friend with a good digital camera to do their headshots or family portraits. And there is certainly no shortage of 100 dollar photographers in New York City. And as far as trainers go - people can always exercise at home with a FitTv workout class or train with a friend at the gym -- or just skip exercise altogether (which is what most people do). So. No work for me. Occasionally, people bring me their personal items to sell for them on Ebay - but nobody is buying either. No work. No income. We have become the no income household. Thank heaven for that 401K and unempolyment insurance. And thank heaven I'm not afraid to work. In my life I've run the gamut between being a suit to being a janitor. I don't care. I can work. I'm strong.

The thing is - the lack of work isn't the only thing....

Pat's parents died a few years ago, leaving behind a business and a house that had to be dealt with. As is often the case in dividing an estate, things got out of control; eventually, all our savings went in to saving the house. Money - gone. Now there has been an offer on the house -- but it didn't come easily. Siblings fighting. Mistakes made. Taxes unpaid. Liens and foreclosures. Drama. Drama. Drama. It's amazing how exhausting drama can be. Fights. Tantrums. Accusations. It's like some play, movie, tv show, novel... It's just drama and exhaustion and playing the waiting game to see if the problems can be solved, the house sold and the estate divided, hopefully before the drama causes one of the players in the game to snap... or to fall victim to a heart attack or stroke. More money lost - and since the situation has alreade depleted our savings account, this time it is money from the sale of jewelry and other precious material possessions. Fortunately, I have always taken the point of view "it's just stuff." I don't need stuff.

However, in the middle of all of this mess, something happened that added insult to serious injury.

Our gym was shut down.

Pat returned from a ten day trip to the homestate to deal with mess -- he hadn't trained in all that time and wanted to work out. We went to the gym and it was closed. The gate was down and padlocked and a sign declared that it would reopen on Wednesday. A phone conversation with our trainer, the following day, turned up the news that the owner of the gym hadn't paid the rent for several months and the owner of the building came in, gave everyone five minutes to collect their belongings and he closed the place down.

The gym that has been my home away from home for eight years was closed. My friends, the trainers, most of whose last names I don't even know, most of whose phone numbers I don't have, were gone. I know I didn't socialize with most of them away from the gym but they were still my friends, my regulars, the people I saw every day. And the trainers - they would all be displaced and have nowhere to work. My boxing teacher and I had no place to train. Our Ray would only have the one very expensive gym to work in and his less affluent clients from our gym would lose him, altogether. We could no longer afford to tain with him in the expensive gym - so there would be no chances to work out from time to time when we had a windfall. All of it was ripped away from us in a moment's notice just because an irresponsible and unfeeling gym owner had used all of our membership money for something other than paying the rent on the space. I had a year left on my membership. Pat had just renewed his. No chance of getting a refund from an organization gone bankrupt. In the meantime, where would Pat be training?

Quickly, we pulled ourselves together and got him a temporary membership at a corporate gym where Hunter and I train. Now the three of us train together, there. It's something... and we sure do enjoy working out together.

I miss the old gym, though. It's tough on me. It was my home. I miss my friends.

So when Jason and Kenny asked what's new and how are things, I was at a loss. I started to tell them but then I said "it's fine... it's no big deal." Natch, they wanted an honest answer so I told them: no jobs, no money, no gym. No clients. This year there will be no Christmas tree because there are more important ways to spend forty dollars. There will be no Christmas party because it costs a lot to entertain a circle of friends as big as ours. There will be no gifts sent by mail to loved ones, no gifts under the tree, no decorations. It will be a true Christmas - full of the Christmas spirit; because there will be no pressure to make a big deal out of all the trappings, the way we all usually do. It will be a Christmas spent giving the gift that really matters: friendship, companionship, love. It all feels, incredibly, like The Gifts of the Magi. I told Pat "Brady is coming home for Christmas and we don't have much of a Christmas to give him... " but we talked about it and it just doesn't matter. As long as we're together, that's all that matters.

In the meantime, we will survive this and, come the first of the year, we will begin to rebuild. The life that we had is gone. Literally - the life we had is gone. What we are left with is what is important: we have a home (for now) and we have a family. The rest is just evaporated... and though, at times, it feels like the world has ended, we know the value of that home and that family. As long as we have that, it can be possible to let go of the old life, watching as, bit by bit, it is taken from us. When something like that happens there truly is no other choice but to rebuild. Maybe Pat will go back to acting. Maybe I will find a new career altogether. It's a fresh start; and I kind of like that. Everyone needs a fresh start sometime. Sure, it's a little tough right now. We have to cut some corners and make the most out of a bad situation. Lots of people do. Those of us not lucky enough to come from wealthy families or lucky enough to have steady work or lucky enough to just be in a better situation that hasn't left us struggling--we just have to work a little harder to make it to through to the next day.

Fortunately, we're not afraid of work.

Fortunately, we're not too depressed to keep on fighting.