Confession

On my MySpace blog I often participate in the survey game; you know, those questionairres that people send out to either get to know their friends, get to know themselves or help others get to know them. Often the questions on these quizzes are the same as the ones on the last quiz. Sometimes the questions are new and interesting and spark interesting discussion and emails). One of the frequently repeated questions is regarding the "last time you cried". Since November 2007 my answers have always been the same: "I do not cry anymore." Back in November something bad happened to me and I stopped crying. I made the choice to no longer be a person who cries.

I have been crying. I have been crying on Thursday nights. I cannot help it. It is uncontrollable. Every Thursday night at ten pm, Eastern time, I am prepared to cry. I know it is coming and I accept it. It is because I have a new hero; and he makes me cry.

Eli Stone had my interest from those first commercials that were aired, showing the man who was hallucinating George Michael in his living room. The entire premise and notion of the show had me intrigued, not to mention the sexy Johnny Lee Miller, the gorgeous and gifted Natasha Henstridge ( of whose work I have always been a fan and who, by the way, may be one of the most exquisitely beautiful women alive), the one and only Victor Garber (Good Golly Gussie, is that man sexy - and what a talent; in fact, I think his talent is a big part of what makes him sexy--his looks and that voice do the rest and, ps, he is damned nice man, too) and one of my favourite actresses, a great American actress, a delightful person and another raving beauty, Miss Loretta Devine. Yes. I was destined to be an Eli Stone watcher. Did I mention that I am a die hard George Michael fan?

As much as I love these actors and the characters they have created for us all, it is Eli Stone that makes me cry. He makes me cry because my personal heroes (of fiction) are people who are cold and strong and tough and fierce - the kind of people that one admires when one is a person who has been, repeatedly, hurt by others. I talk openly about my heroes Brian Kinney, Jason Bourne...some others. So how did Eli Stone become one of my fictitious heroes?

I have always loved Don Quixote.

I may aspire to be 007 but I cannot hide the fact (or hide FROM the fact) that inside of me lives an idealist, a dreamer, an optimist, someone who wants to change the world - or at least change the world for at least one person or two people who happen along and can be changed by something, anything, he has done. I may act tough, I may train tough, I may dress tough. The truth is that at the core of this being is hope.

Eli Stone provides hope for the characters in his stories.

And he provides hope (and guidance for how to find and give hope) to me.

That (and he) makes me cry.