The Tattoo Chronicles: The Role Model

I am obsessed with honesty.

Maybe it is because when I was younger I was a liar. As a child I lied about things to cover up my mistakes. As a teenager I told lies that made me seem more interesting than I was. As a young man I told lies to hide secrets about myself. As a man I got tired of lying and developed a respect for the truth. I found, inside me, a thirst for it. I cultivated a commitment to it.

I am obsessed with honesty.

I have said, for a long time, that you cannot do what I have done for as long as I have done it, without learning to see the truth. I picked up my first camera when I was 16. This year I will turn 45. That's three decades of looking through the lens. If that doesn't give you insight into humanity, I don't know what will. I see people. Many is the time that I have told Tom "I see you". I have said it to others among my loved ones. People need to know. People to be aware that their life has been witnessed, that their mortality does not come into question, because they are not invisible. I see people and I seek the truth.

Mike Babel has said to me "You don't see the truth. You wait for it. Then you capture it."

I am obsessed with honesty.

I am also an intellectual. It isn't every day of the week, mind you, because I have learned that I don't want to work that hard. It is with the right people and in the right circumstance that I open the drawer where is kept my intellectualism. It is most often with Brady or with Vince or with Jane or with Hunter that I open the drawer - one or two other people, natch; and, of course, Pat sees all the sides of me.

One of my most intellectual pursuits has been the study of the play CLOSER, which I broke down in an epic story on The Stephen Mosher Blog on July 13, 2006. No point in reblogging it, here, I can give the finer points of my attachment to this play. It is, for me, the single most honest and real representation of human relationships, sexuality, behaviour and lies versus truth, yet written for the stage. It was translated into one of the best movies I have ever seen. I am as obsessed with this piece of literature as I am with the honesty that evades the characters, the honesty for which I wait.

The people in CLOSER are wonderful, flawed, funny, candid, sexual, smart and, sometimes, honest (as well as many other things). Most of the time they are awful. They lie to each other and to themselves about almost everything. It is all a game of selfish deception. Like opera, it is exactly the size of life.

Except for Alice Ayers.

I took the script to the play CLOSER and I highlighted every flirtatiously vague statement that Alice makes. Then I highlighted every completely honest comment she remarks, in a different colour. Then I highlighted every lie she tells, in another colour. She tells only one, true, lie:"

My name is Alice Ayers."

Everything else that this character says is either true or conversational.

She is the only person in this tale who only tells the truth. She is the only person in the story who wants nothing more than to love and to be loved. She is the only person in the story who knows how to survive and does it, without leaving a trail of emotional carnage in her wake. She does not act in any way that is meant to hurt another human; she does nothing but live, look for love and survive.

Dialogue cut from the play when the movie was made:

Dan: What do you want?

Alice: To be loved

Dan: That simple?

Alice: It's a big want.

That exchange speaks volumes about this woman's character and about the basic, true needs of human beings.

When Dan asks her how she managed to quit smoking, she says, simply:

"deep inner strength.

"Deep inner strength is something I crave, something I dig for, in the deepest receses of my soul. It is probably among my five biggest personal quests, along with honesty and enlightenment.

As I studied the play script of CLOSER, as I returned to the dvd time and again, as I delved deeper into the character of Alice Ayers, I loved her more and more. The simplicity with which she lives, the quest for love, the commitment to honesty, the embodiement of strength -- these are all qualities I admire and wish to wear inside my soul on outside my body. I fell in love with Alice Ayers - except she isn't really Alice Ayers, is she?

"My name is plain Jane Jones"

I thought about it for over a year. I REALLY wanted to do this. I told Pat about it. I mentioned a couple more times within weeks. He said to me:

"I want you to think about this long and hard. Every one of your tattoos is personal and is attached to someone you love. Your angel, Tom, Anthony, New York, God, me; but now you are talking about a fictional character. You will be tatoo'ing a FICTIONAL character to yourself. I just want you to think about it for a long time before you do it."

I thought about it for a year.

When I made the decision to get the Plain Jane Jones tattoo, I knew I couldn't get it in my own handwriting. No one would be able to read it. I asked Marci to write the words for me, which she did. When she heard what it was for, she tore the paper up.

"I will not participate in your becoming a doodle page." (Marci has never been a big fan of my propensity for body art)

I went to Tom, whose handwriting I have always loved. I asked him to write these words for me. He filled two pages in my notebook with various renderings.

PLAIN JANE JONES

PLAIN JANE JONES

PLAIN JANE JONES

PLAIN JANE JONES

PLAIN JANE JONES

PLAIN JANE JONES

PLAIN JANE JONES

PLAIN JANE JONES

PLAIN JANE JONES

PLAIN JANE JONES

PLAIN JANE JONES

PLAIN JANE JONES

I studied them for days and days on end. I chose just the RIGHT one. Now. Location. Where?

I have never told this part of the story before; only to Pat. He is the only person who knows this, up to this point.

I saw a photo of Heath Ledger on the cover of Rolling Stone. On the outside of his forearm was a handwritten printing of the words OLD MAN RIVER. I thought "neat". I liked Heath Ledger - a lot - but it isn't like I was a huge die hard fan (at the time - BROKEBACK and DARK KNIGHT changed all that): I just thought that was so neat. So I chose the INSIDE of my forearm for my new tat. I am proud to have been inspired by Heath Ledger in this way, honoured to have emulated him in any way.

I took Tom's handwriting and my fictional role model and my famous actor's location and I marched into the tattoo establishment and came out with one of my favourite things ever: my Plain Jane Jones tattoo. The funny thing is that people seldom notice it and, when they do, most often they think I have written on myself - which I do - I write notes on my hand so I won't lose them. When people realize that it is, indeed, a tattoo, they either say it's cool or they ask what it's about and don't understand the explanation.

One night, on a dance floor, in the dark, my friend Dan took my wrist, studied it, then gave me a big smile and a thumbs up sign. He got it. He was the first person to ever get it, without previously knowing what it was.

Recently, my adopted son, Pat Jr, phoned and emailed me:

"Will you please email me a photo of the Plain Jane Jones tattoo?"

I did.

Two days later I got an email of a photo. He had gotten his first tattoo. It looked just like mine only it was different handwriting and up in the crook of his elbow. It said LOVE THIS MOMENT. To say that I was and am proud and honoured and flattered would be a gross understatement.

I am obsessed with honesty.

I seek Deep Inner Stength.

My real name is Plain Jane Jones