Special Billing

We laugh every time we see it. So this is what it has come to. Whatever it takes to sell a ticket. We came to grips, a long time ago, with the fact that the most important thing is "bums in seats, love, bums in seats". Yeah, sure you wanna sell tickets. It really doesn't matter to me if Broadway indulges in "Love Boat casting". There are some inalienable truths out there, m'dears: 1) Producers need to sell tickets 2) Actors need to work and 3) The public wants to see the celebrities. Oh, it is a wonderful thing when the celebrities are talented! It is a wonderful thing when the name selling the show is a Broadway artist! It's not the same as seventy, or even fifty, years ago when the stars of Broadway were the stars of the country. The Lunt Fontannes, Tallulah Bankhead, Laurette Taylor, Ben Gazzara, Elizabeth Ashley, Lee J. Cobb, Helen Hayes, Paul Muni, Kit Cornell, Ruth Gordon and, of course, the musical theater legends like Ethel Merman, Mary Martin, Carol Channing, Alfred Drake, Richard Kiley...not to mention Gwen and Chita; these stars of the Broadway stage toured the country, taking their gifts to the adoring public, who turned out in droves to see them. Julie Harris always toured. It was, simply, the way to get to the fans, many of whom didn't travel to New York and couldn't see the legends otherwise. Nowadays, the stars of Broadway are stars here who get to work (if they are lucky) on film and tv from time to time. Those of us New Yorkers who know and love them are thrilled when our stage stars make the jump. From time to time we get to see Marin Mazzie, Denis O'Hare, Donna Murphy, Idina Menzel and Brian Stokes Mitchell in a movie or tv show; but it is actually quite rare when a Broadway star becomes a Hollywood star. Nathan Lane and Kristin Chenoweth have great good fortune in that department and what a thrill for those of us who saw them here and got to watch the rise!


They are, though, the exception to the rule in today's society. Gone are the days when the stars of Broadway became the stars of Hollywood.

Now it is the other way around...

These days the stars of Hollywood are coming TO Broadway. If you ask me, that's pretty cool. It's very validating that they would want to come to the Great White Way for some kind of artistic growth, for validation. Broadway is a place that welcomes all. Our street has caused the resurrection of careers for stars of the past (imagine...an MGM star on Broadway!), it has been visited by tv actors and rock stars; and the movie stars. We recently had Julianne Moore and Julia Roberts on Broadway. This year we had Jennifer Garner! We've had Melanie Griffith and Antonio Banderas. Sheena Easton has been here twice. We saw Huey Lewis and Chaka Khan; we even had some American Idols land on Broadway. TV stars like Brooke Shields, John Stamos, Jean Smart have been here. We've had the most wonderful actors from all different areas of show business, right here on Broadway. Cheryl Ladd! Reba! How wonderful. The producers really are making job opportunities for people working in show business, no matter who they are or what they have done in the past. I have read and heard many complaints about Love Boast casting - but it just seems like an empty compaint. The most important thing is the bums in the seats. It keeps the crowd coming and the shows open and the New York acting community working.

BUT.

The new marquee at the Ambassador Theater is the first time I have ever rolled my eyes.
John Schneider is an accomplished actor who has worked on screen and onstage in respectable projects -- not only in Los Angeles and New York -- he did MACK AND MABEL in London! He's Superman's dad, for God's sake! And yet... the ridiculous marquee says NOW STARRING SEXY TV ICON JOHN SCHNEIDER. I mean, really. We know he is sexy. I passed him on the street signing autographs - he's the same as when he played Bo Duke. And, yeah, he's a tv icon. Like I said BO DUKE and SUPERMAN'S FATHER. Still... the marquee is a bit cheesy. Maybe more than a bit.

It got us to thinking, though: why not give everyone in the world a title like that? Like, remember Josie Maron, who was on DANCING WITH THE STARS? On the first episode she was the first person to dance and she was being interviewed and she said "I'm Josie Maron and I'm a supermodel..."; Pat and I remarked that we had never heard of her, so she couldn't be THAT super a supermodel. Then her dance partner said that "Josie is suprisingly unfit for a swimsuit model". Now, thanks to those remarks and inspired by the CHICAGO marquee, we call her Josie Maron, the Surprisingly Unfit Supermodel. In fact, we think she should go into CHICAGO so that the marquee can read NOW STARRING SEXY TV ICON JOHN SCHNEIDER AND SUPRISINGLY UNFIT SUPERMODEL JOSIE MARON. After all, if we're going to use such descriptive marquees to get the bums in seats, let us all have one.

I'll start by composing my own: henceforth I will be known as FAILED ARTIST AND STRANGELY YOUNG LOOKING MIDDLE AGED HOMO STEPHEN MOSHER. I like it.

Satisfaction Not So Guaranteed

LOOK AT MY SALMON!!!! Would you just LOOK at my beautiful salmon fillets?! Do you have ANY idea what a beautiful piece of salmon, like the ones seen in the photo above, cost? Do you know what a treat they are to me and Pat? Let me tell you: a BIG treat. So what do you think it feels like to buy your gorgeous and pricey (ok, ok, I know, it's not a piece of Koby beef; but still...) and you bring it home and season it and put it on your GEORGE FOREMAN GRILL and the ridiculously faulty piece of cookware destroys it? INSERT ANGRY FACE HERE.

We have been using the George Foreman grill for years. Our first one was one of the smaller varieties. We treated the machine with respect, cleaning it after every use (and cleaning it with the grill sponge provided by the company and cleaning it the way it is outlined in their instruction manual). It wasn't long before I had to send the grill to the manufacturers with a simple note that read "should I be concerned about the non stick coating peeling off like this?" They sent back a new grill.

Some months later I sent that grill back with a note that said "Should I be concerned about the way the cord is smoking at the connection to the machine?" They sent back a new grill. A year later, they released a new model of the machine, with detachable grill plates. Heaven. Same drill: instructions on seasoning the grill, cleaning the grill and a special sponge to do so. We treated our newest George Foreman Grill with respect and love and we treasured it for the healthy meals it provided us.

Until I had to send it back to the manufacturers with a note that said "This two month old grill is losing the non stick coating - on all my food". They sent back a new grill. I actually only sent the plates and they sent an entire new grill. I realized that they send new grills with great ease, without argument or investigation. I bet they get these complaints a lot. A LOT.

Look what it did to my gorgeous Tilapia fillets. Just a little seasoning and a spray of Olive Oil based cooking spray and one should have a tasty, healthy meal. Instead I got a mess. A friend who is a cook said "you aren't leaving the fish on the grill long enough... if you try to remove it too soon, the fish will rip." Ok, I'm no expert in the kitchen, so I took my friend at his word and left the fish on longer. Still, my beautiful Tilapia, my gorgeous salmon, all ruined. I tried to leave the fish on longer and longer -- but I was making Tilapia Jerky!

Have Mercy.

I would just stick to chicken, I guessed. I prepare my chicken with great care, buying large chicken breasts, trimming off all of the fat and cutting them up into a variety of forms: some are filleted, some are strips, some are diced. We use the chicken, in all these different shapes, in different recipes and at different times of day. It is kind of tough to tear up a filleted piece of chicken on a faulty grill. The same could almost be said of chicken strips. The cubes of chicken, however, just stuck to both sides of the grill! I couldn't win with the dangnab George Foreman machine.


It was becoming, what I would term, a nightmare.
How many of these machines would I have to send back? How many new versions would I be given? I have to admit: when the machine is working properly, it is DA BOMB. I love the machine. Between the non stick peeling off and the ruined fish and the fire hazzard (smoke! smoke coming out of the cord!), though, it was just getting to be too much. I couldn't deal with it any longer. Something HAD to be done! But what? Keep sending them back? Go back to cooking the old fashioned way? Just suck up and suffer? What? What?

We use the NuWave Oven now.

There Was A Girl Named Bernadette

I read online that today is the 60th birthday of Miss Bernadette Peters.

It isn't every day that a performer of this special a quality comes along and makes everyone fall in love with her. It is absolutely impossible NOT to fall in love with this unique and gorgeously talented woman. She has found work on tv, in the movies and, most famously, as one of Broadway's greatest stars.

She has talent, timing, beauty, warmth -- she is a star. She just, simply, has it all.

I have loved Bernadette Peters for a long time and when I was preparing to come to New York from Texas, I told people "I'm going to New York to photograph Bernadette Peters". It was the beacon that beckoned. I was going to photograph Bernadette Peters.

I have seen Miss Peters onstage in two Broadway shows - once in ANNIE GET YOUR GUN and once in GYPSY (which I saw twice, actually). We also saw her in the anniversary concerts of SUNDAY IN THE PARK WITH GEORGE and for INTO THE WOODS. We did not see Bernadette in the play - when we saw that the witch was being played by Phylicia Rashad. I have watched the video of SUNDAY IN THE PARK so many times it is committed to memory. It was a Tony worthy performance but the award that year went to another great actress whom we all love.

It was a gift from God that I was given the job of being the only photographer in the theater for the INTO THE WOODS concert; and though there were other photographers at the SUNDAY concert, it was my photos that ended up in the magazines. Sadly, these are the only pictures I have ever taken of this great beauty, this legendary talent. I was never able to get a one on one shoot with my idol. It's ok. These few photos are enough to keep my heart warm on cold winter nights.


I met Bernadette Peters once. Brady and I were running around, being silly, on his birthday. We were in the Barnes and Noble at Lincoln Center and, as we came down the escalator from the third floor to the second, the windows illuminated an enormous mane of red hair by a table covered with cookbooks. I said to Brady "It's Bernadette Peters! It's Bernadette Peters!" and we giggled and laughed and circled like seventh grade girls. I couldn't let the chance pass us by and, while Brady hid behind a pillar, I sidled up to Miss Bernadette Peters and said "May I whisper something in your ear?"

"Of course"

"My friend, Brady, and I were talking one day.."

"Is that him over there?" and she and I looked at the pillar and there was his own blonde mane, enormous eyes and bright grin peering out from behind it. "yes it is"

She smiled at him.

"He and I were talking about mind altering theater. Randomly, the very next day we went to TKTS and got tickets for GYPSY. We were in the fourth row. It was, indeed, mind altering theater. You were astounding in every way."

"Thank you."

And with that, we fled. No names. No handshakes. Just a quick bit of praise for a great lady.

Miss Bernadette Peters, wherever you are on this day, I hope you are being heaped, simply heaped, with birthday greetings. We who love you are so very glad that you were born.

The photos in the story are only three of the pics I did during the two Sondheim concerts mentioned in this story. What a thrill!

Putting It Together

I just lost a job.

It's not really the kind of job I go looking for anymore... It was a photography job. Thanks to two different blogs and a willingness to impart, in person, almost all of the details regarding my personal life, just about everyone out there knows that I have been in the process of leaving behind my twenty eight years in photography for a new career as a fitness trainer. To that end, I have been focusing, as of late, on my studies with the National Academy of Sports Medicine. Almost three decades behind the camera doesn't go quietly into that good night, though; and when a friend or a face comes before saying (either literally or figuratively) "take my picture" -- well, I'm going to do it.

And when it happens as a money making possibility, I'm going to consider it. After all, I have tuition to pay...

This was more than just monetary potential though. It was an opportunity to see some of my family, long since absent from my view. See, my friend Aaron (friend is one way of putting it - family is another) lives in Florida with his wife and two daughters. The last time we had the time and the money to see them was so many years ago that I doubt the kids would recognize me and Pat - and vice versa. We love these people very much and wish for opportunites to fly down for a visit - we wish for this on a regular basis. So when Aaron called me to tell me that he had been made creative director of a talent agency and they were looking for a photographer to come in for a three day weekend to shoot 18 to 20 of their talent, would I do it, I said yes. He and I talked about what it would take, how much I'd charge, when it would happen... all the details, you know. Before hanging up, he asked me to please send some samples to their business director. Of course. Everyone should see samples before they hire.

I wrote a nice, friendly but official email, discussing my work and my philosophies and my experience as a photographer of headshots and celebrities. When it came time to attach photos I opened my files and began sorting through my collection.

It's a wonderful and magical thing to be an artist. The writer has their stories, the painter has the paintings. Sculptors, actors, singers, hair stylists... every artist has their creation and every artist has a relationship with their artwork. I feel like I have been lucky because I have had (and do have) relationships with my photos; AND I have had (and do have) relationships with the people in the photos. It's a very intimate thing, to get in front of the camera and have someone take this moment in time from you and create something with it. It's an intimate relationship between the photographer and the model and one I have treasured for a long time. I love these people for sharing that intimacy, that trust with me and I love the artwork that it leaves behind. I show that artwork in portfolios, books, online photo albums- and the photos become like a ring you wear. I'm aware of them, I know them, yet I don't actively think about them.

When sitting down to choose the photos that I would send to this lady, Linda, down in Florida, though, I found myself being given a chance to reconsider my work of the last almost three decades. I looked at some of the photos that are newer, some of the pictures I don't see or think of every day, some of the artwork I had forgotten in order to favour other pieces.

What a great ride it was!
I chose pics of my family; ones that everyone sees every time my name and artwork are mentioned in the same sentence. I sent the photo of Jennifer Houston with the window behind her and the sun in her hair. I included the photo of Judi Dench laughing. I attached the picture of Donna Murphy looking up at the sky. Of course, I featured the pictures of Pat in front of the radiator and the photo of Brady against the gated fence.




There were, though, all these other images that came flooding into my vision, exciting me and enthralling me. That photo of Lindsay with her green eyes, wearing the green dress, in front of the green drop really captured my attention. The new headshots of Happy and Brad, she on the sofa and he before the kitchen door, were ripe with personality. That shot of Trevin in his GAP sweatshirt had to be included; and so did the photo of Jamie with Spencer, the glass of milk and the apple pie, even though it isn't a headshot.

While I was looking through my collection, choosing what I considered to be some of my best works, I marveled, yes I did (!) at the legacy I leave behind, as I move into the health and fitness field. I grew happy as I considered the fact that, only last week, I was doing photos of my old friend, Hunter, just for fun and I HAD fun! I would be able to continue creating art, all the while, working as a body sculptor for those for whom health and fitness is a goal and a pleasure. It was a truly great journey for me, though I found myself more than a little peeved that I had neglected to include some of my best artwork of Tom and AJ.

I was so excited that I forwarded the email I sent Linda to some of my family so they could see the pics I chose. Marci standing in the tree, Tommy hanging onto the fence, Deborah Cox in the arm chair, Spanks in the blue sweater that offsets his blue eyes. Sweet stuff, man!

Yesterday I got the email that said I wouldn't be needed. That is, not unless I could shoot the photos digitally.

Isn't there a song called Video Killed the Radio Star? I think so but I'm not sure and I don't feel like googling it right now. I know how that feels. It's been some time since I started saying that digital photography killed my career. I have nothing against technology, nothing against digital photography. I have a digital camera. It's great for Ebay and Manhunt and snapshots of loved ones to email or post on Facebook. It isn't great for my artwork and that is my bottom line. At a photo shoot with Karen Mason recently, the hair and makeup artists got all over me, demanding to know why I was still working on film and why I refused to go digital. I explained my reasoning but stopped when one of them challenged me "Do you believe in technology or evolution?" His fight with me was preventing my artwork with Missy Mason (one of my favourite people and favourite photographic subjects).

I do not create artwork with a digital camera for the same reason I still listen to record albums. I prefer the old fashioned way. I like the look and feel of film. I like the crackle when the needle hits the vinyl. Film looks better. Vinyl sounds better. Know what? I still read books, too.

I'm not some militant digital camera hater. I'll tell you a secret. This photo of Trevin was done on a digital camera. It's the only one in this collection that is. The rest are all scans of film photos. See? I can do it. I choose not to. I am an expert on shooting on film. My clients deserve an expert.












I was bummed to lose that job. I would have treasured a chance to hang out with my family down in Florida for a few days. Now I'll have to make the money to fly down for a holiday. That's aight.

I would have loved the money I could have made doing that gig. It's no big deal. Money is a commodity that can always be gotten.

Here's the other thing. I just booked a new fitness training client.

Oh, yeah.

My new career is starting and it needs me. So do Josh (who left me to go out west to do a play but when he comes back, his training will start up again) and Anita and Steve. Their health and fitness regimen is an important task and it's a good job - the first of many, I can tell.












Cosmically speaking, though; the chance to observe my artwork and the lovelies who allowed me into their gardens so that we could participate in the creation of that artwork was a good enough reason for the adventure of that possible gig in Florida.

As I looked at the photos I considered the best - right up to this latest and most wonderful pic of Hunter - I couldn't help but think it. So I wrote it down. I wrote it in the email I sent my loved ones, the email that showed the photos I sent to Linda at the agency in Florida. The email was all those photos and some words. Some of those words were..

GodDAMMIT, I was good.

Dancin In The Streets

Ever see a movie that was critically flawed and you still couldn't help but like?

Yesterday we went to the picture show. It is something we do often on the weekends. We choose a multi plex and we see two or three movies in a row. With the Academy Awards being tonight we really should have been seeing THERE WILL BE BLOOD or NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN. These are just about the only two nominees that are still showing that we haven't seen. I just don't think I can handle it. I have a hard time sitting through movies that are over two hours long - especially if they are heavy and without any glamour. A three hour movie has to at least have one gorgeous man or a diva in it to keep me in my seat. I admit it. I'm shallow in this way. If it doesn't have one of these two things, a movie has to be ninety minutes long or I will go to sleep. So instead we went to see DEFINATELY, MAYBE (hot guy and four divas, light, bright and New York city scenery - a winner!); then we went to see VANTAGE POINT ( about 90 minutes long, lots of action and explosions, the great - and underrated - Dennis Quaid, some guys with faces, some with muscles, Sigourney Weaver - diva! - amazing film making and Forest Whitaker - a winner!). Then, by happy accident, we were able to catch STEP UP 2 THE STREETS, a film I had been waiting and wanting to see.

About 20 minutes into the movie (maybe more) I turned to Pat and said "FINALLY. At last the movie starts). Until that point there had been only one cool dance sequence, one aight dance sequence and a lot of dialogue that my 12 year old neice could have written. Hot guys? Oh, yeah. Hot enough to make the tin pan alley dialogue forgivable? We don't know yet. At that 20 to 30 minute mark, though, the real dancing began - and the teamwork, the commaraderie of misfits that makes this kind of film worthwhile. Ech. Then we went back to more tin pan alley. And what I want to know is who writes this stuff? Who approves this stuff? Clearly, the film has a great director, an phenomenal editor, an out of this world choreographer and some kick freakin ass dancers (many of whom can say lines!). Couldn't they get anyone in there to give them some lines to say?

I cannot begin to tell you how jaw droppingly great the dancing is. If I could learn to dance like this, I would - but that ship has left the dock, been cannoned by pirates and sunk to the bottom. These young kids are stunningly talented and, boy howdy, do they get to business in the most admirable way! It is worth it to sit through the boring scenes, the eye rollingly bad dialogue and everything else that would have made this movie a waste of time just to see them dance. There was, in fact, a moment when I was ready to put on my coat and leave but they started to dance and it made me stay.

Now I'm going to jockey back and forth between saying something complimentary and saying something critical. The man in the photo above is one of the reasons I almost left. His name is Will Kemp and he is one of the great stars of the dance world. I've seen him live in SWAN LAKE and been mesmerized by him. I think he is gorgeous and sexy and I would shell out the bucks to watch him dance. For most of this movie, though, he does an unconvincing job playing the head of this performing arts school. Most of his scenes left me cringing in my seat and saying, out loud in a crowded cinema, "he is TERRIBLE". BUT. It is not his fault. Not entirely. First of all, he is given the most ridiculous dialoge to say; his character is given a ridiculous premise (a ballet star returned to his home town to make the school great and he is so pretentious and unlikeable that he insists on being called Director Collins -- absurd, if you ask me); he has to speak with an American accent and he is one of the Brits who does not do it convincingly and he is given a haircut in the movie that completely undermines the idea that he is the head of a school. It is a really valid point of view: the hairdo is too unkempt and youthful for a man who insists on being a leader, a role model, an educator, to wear. None of it is believable. The irritating thing is that I spent the movie disliking the character and disliking the actor - until the end, when he has a scene in the rain where he does something nice and he smiles and, suddenly, I liked him. THAT was believable, even though his dialogue was terrible. I think that, somewhere in there, this incredibly attractive dancing phenomenon might be a good actor! DAMMIT. I couldn't bring myself to keep disliking him.

Makes me crazy when I have to change my opinion for humanity.

Flawed film, yes. Bad acting, oh yes. Terribly writing, unquestionably.

Loved it? Hell to the yeah.

Blake's Beauty

I was reading a thread on a chat board recently -- a theatrical themed chat board -- and the subject of the musical play VICTOR/VICTORIA came up. This was not particularly surprising, since Julie Andrews does tend to come up, occasionally, on this theatrically themed chat board; and why not, why not? She is, after all, Julie Andrews; and whether you are talking about her legacy onstage, on film, on recordings or on tv, she will always be spoken of in theatrical circles. This time, though, the conversation became a little nasty because the stage production of VICTOR/VICTORIA was considered so terribly bad. It got memorably bad reviews, no Tony nominations (save for the one for Julie for Best Actress, which she refused to accept) and, ultimately, is known to be the reason Julie Andrews can no longer sing (it's a long story which, I am sure, can be googled). So one of the chatterati, in this thread, made a remark about Blake Edwards riding his wife's coat tails. Well, thought I, that's just rude. It's not fair. It's just a pile of horse hockey. I'm not saying that they haven't benefitted from their marriage and their work collaborations but, golly gee damn, it isn't fair to say something like THAT. In fact, I mentioned it to Pat and he told me that he had once read a quote by Julie Andrews in which she claimed that whenever Blake began working on a new project, if there wasn't a part for her, she made him sleep on the sofa. It's a marriage and a partnership and I think it is fair for people who work in the same industry and who are in a relationship (of any kind) to want to work together. Why, only last month my closest of friends, LGG, had the pleasure of doing a play (a musical!) in which her daughter was played by her real life daughter! I think that is a wonderful experience to get to have. Some of my happiest artistic moments have been with Pat; sometimes we got to act together, we have certainly gotten to work together photographically. It is a true pleasure to share that part of your life with a loved one.

One of the chatters on the board mentioned something about Blake making Julie expose her breasts in the film SOB... I seem to remember reading an article at the time when Julie said she wanted to do it, to help dispel the good girl image. Who is to say what Blake did or did not make Julie Andrews do? Furthermore, I think Julie Andrews is enough of a professional, an artist, a woman, a professional to do something she DIDN'T want to do. And, by the way, if I were a woman in her forties with a rack like Julie Andrews, I would be A-OK with showing them off, myself. Speaking as a man in his forties who has worked hard to have a good body, I can guarantee you there are more nude photo shoots in MY future!

So here I was, reading this online afront to Blake Edwards, arguably one of the great film directors, and I got to thinking about the way the chatterati were dismissing the body of work he created. The Pink Panther movies alone demand respect -- but that doesn't even begin to consider THE DAYS OF WINE AND ROSES and (what is considered one of the all time great movies) BREAKFAST AT TIFFANYS. I know that Blake Edwards could get a little slapschticky and tacky (I will never forget the glowing erection in SKIN DEEP) but even at that the movies are entertaining. SOB is wonderfully satirical; the fact that THAT'S LIFE was basically all improved astounds me (THAT is taking an artistic risk, as far as I'm concerned); the difference in directorial styles between the comedies (SWITCH is quite brilliant, IMHO) and the dramas (THE TAMARIND SEED is very suspensful and a bit of a departure for both he AND Julie, at the time); the fact that he broadened his range to television and the stage AND that he also wrote and/or produced much of what he created all speaks to his artistry. I am really appalled that people would make a comment about Blake Edwards riding his wife's wave of success.

Collaboration is such an important, such a special part of a marriage. When a husband who directs movies has a wife who acts in them, when that husband and wife find that they work well together, repeatedly, why not continue to find projects on which they can work, together? I am a fan of each of the Edwards family's films. Not always succesful, publically, the pictures have always moved me, in some way. I consider BREAKFAST AT TIFFANYS and VICTOR/VICTORIA to be two of the greatest pictures of all time (Mickey Rooney's horribly racist performance in TIFFANYS not withstanding). I imagine that one day Mr and Mrs Edwards thought "wouldn't it be fun...." and, before you could say Cockroach!, a classic film had been turned into a bad stage play. I saw that play. No, it wasn't good; but I will always be able to say that I saw Julie Andrews live - and so will a lot of other people. Not every artistic venture is a success. The thing to remember is that at least they tried. It's more than a lot of us do with our lives, after all.

HalleF*ckinLujah!!!

Thank heaven. I thought I was really going to lose my mind; but they announced that the writer's strike is over. It's not that I spend all day in front of the tv and it's not that there isn't anything to watch. After all, there have been reality shows and talent shows and (thanks to the careful scheduling and saving of episodes) blissful first run shows of BOSTON LEGAL. (And while we are on the subject of BOSTON LEGAL, I just want to say that David E. Kelly is one of my personal heroes for always bringing great theater to television and hiring amazing talent to execute it; I have never not loved a David E. Kelly show). The bottom line, though, is that if I have to go much longer without new episodes of DIRTY SEXY MONEY and PUSHING DAISIES, I will combust, spontaneously. It is very rare that I develop an addiction to a show - it's been a long time. Not since Queer As Folk went off the air have I had a show that was appointment tv; and this season gave me three - the two I have mentioned and CHUCK. Thank God for the network that held on to two new episodes of CHUCK and gave them to us a couple of weeks ago to keep my spirits afloat.

I’m not a tv critic so I cannot break down what it is about these shows that makes them good tv. Other than the fact that they captured my attention (not an easy thing to do) and kept it (an even more difficult task), there isn’t any kind of structural breakdown that I can offer. I can’t give the point of view of a tv historian or a writer or producer who knows what makes good television. I only know that the premises are wonderful, the scripts are stellar and the performers exceptional. Let’s consider them, one by one:

What an original idea is PUSHING DAISIES and how brilliantly executed? Each episode is like a dream, where all the sensory buttons are pushed to the limits but with such committed and natural performances by a cast of genius level talented actors. And though DIRTY SEXY MONEY may be just another nighttime soap opera, the creation of these wonderful, flawed, loveable, hateable, intriguing characters who are placed into situations, it all makes for great theater! When it comes to CHUCK, it is every Walter Mitty’s dream come true: the story of an average guy, a dweeb with a high IQ who gets to live the life of a Double O. Who couldn’t love these three shows? PS, can I just say any show that puts the great Jill Clayburgh in the public eye is a winner in my eyes. She is one of the greatest American actresses of all time and we could all use a dose of her on a regular basis. I tell you, had the strike not ended, I was about to get out my dvds of the episodes that have aired and start re watching them. And I would have, had fate not intervened with a miracle.

The miracle’s name is ELI STONE.

They had me from the first commercial. One look at the wonderful (and wonderfully sexy) Jonny Lee Miller was enough; but once I saw Natasha Henstridge, Victor Garber and one of my favourites, Miss Loretta Devine (another great American actress) – well I was in. Wait. Wait. Was that my favourite boy singer, Mister George Michael? Oh, yeah, I was there. I was so excited for the pilot episode that I had it on my calendar. And it did not disappoint. The spiritual quest, the Don Quixote theme, the great acting, the dream sequences; AND Laura Benanti in the first episode! What??!! Yeah, baby. I was just about to claw my eyes out from lack of PUSHING DAISIES, DIRTY SEXY MONEY and CHUCK and along came ELI STONE to save the day. Now the strike is over and I see blue skies ahead.

Don’t get me wrong. I support the writers. I support the strike. I just need my stories. I NEED my STORIES!! It’s like crack (which I have never smoked, just FYI). But they are all coming back. Thank God. Thank whoever is responsible, out there in Hollywood.

Now I can get my damn tv off of those reruns of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. Damn, that Regis Philbin is irritating.

Avon Calling!

"Is this a pyramid thing?"

It wasn't the very first thing I asked - but it was one of the first.

"NO. It's not a pyramid scheme. She promised me it wasn't a pyramid scheme"

That was my really, really, really, really, really close friend answering me. I was going to make the choice to believe her. After all, I didn't go to her saying I need a job, I need money, I need a life. I had simply answered the question What's new? Part of what was new was that I was looking for work because I wanted to be a grown up and pay my bills, rather than be a kept man and let Pat pay all the bills. Even contributing a little would be better than being a complete and total freeloader. This was just conversational, though; it was just my girlfriend saying What's new? and me answering the question, honestly. Imagine my surprise, then, when she contacted me a few days later with news that she might have an opportunity for me. She had this close friend who was a part of Arbonne International and they needed men to promote their anti aging skin care line. Well. I didn't want to say the obvious. But someone had to - I was perfect for promoting an anti aging skin care line. Most often people think I am 28 or 32 but rarely believe me when I tell them I am 43. Why shouldn't I make money hawking an anti aging skin care line? Yes. I was interested in hearing more.

What followed was a series of emails and then phone calls from a woman who was so bright, so chipper, so cheery, so upbeat, so energetic, so positive minded that it all bordered on being truculent. I knew this was going to be a problem when I got the first email and there were caps and exclamation marks everywhere. It looked like a treasure map. Nevertheless, she was a good friend of my good friend and there was a potential for making money, so I listened to what she had to say. There was a lot of it, too. I listened. Then I asked.

"Is this a pyramid thing?"

"NO. It's not a pyramid scheme. I promise you it isn't a pyramid scheme"

Ok. I agreed to meet with her mentor. (I thought that was a weird word - not boss, not supervisor, not teacher... her mentor; what does that mean, in the business world?) The mentor was driving through New York next week on her way to a business thing in Delaware and could stop by. Ok. I made an appointment. Then I got off the phone and called Jen, my best friend and makeup artist for over a decade. Have you ever heard of Arbonne?

"Yeah, it's a big deal. Very expensive skin care and cosmetics. Been around forever. It's all the rage."

Ok. I trust Jen. She's one of those people whose names you put when you get a MySpace survey with the question Who do you trust with your life? Jen. If she says Arbonne is the shit, then I will listen. As long as it isn't a pyramid thing.

The day of the appointment arrived and this woman with whom I had exchanged maybe an email, maybe a phone call, maybe one of each, arrives with an associate. She was beautiful and well presented and she carried a briefcase and a gift bag. They sat on my sofa and began to talk. Each of them had a story. It took two hours to tell me everything they wanted to tell me.

Sorry; I said that wrong. I'll say it again.

It took TWO HOURS (!) for them to tell me everything they wanted to tell me!! A business meeting takes fifteen minutes, thirty minutes, forty five minutes. It does not take two hours! They each had a story about what they were doing before Arbonne. They each had a story about how they found Arbonne. They each had a story about how they got into Arbonne. They each had a story about how great Arbonne was for them. They each had a number.. a date...

"It took me 75 days to get my white Mercedes."

The white Mercedes is an incentive plan that is part of the program. After earning so much money you get a white Mercedes. I didn't quite understand it but it seemed to me that you have to buy it yourself when you reach a certain point in your marketing. There might be a discount. I'm not sure. By the time the white Mercedes came up, I had pretty much stopped listening. I'm not gonna lie. I had. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Flatline. No words penetrating. White Mercedes? Oh, ok. That's like the Mary Kay pink Cadillac. Gotcha.

"Is this a pyramid thing?"

"NO. It's not a pyramid scheme. I promise you it isn't a pyramid scheme"

I was four for four. Four times I had asked that question and four times I had been told NO. It is not a pyramid scheme. It is multi level marketing. What's that? It's how this program works. It's all explained in this literature. With that, she handed me a stack of literature that makes a volume of War and Peace look like People Magazine. Wow. The catalogue of merchandise is beautiful. They put a lot of money into the marketing of this product. With that, she handed me a gold bag full of samples. FREE STUFF!!!! Yay!!! I was really not paying attention now. I wanted to play with my free stuff. There were several boxes of tubes and pumps and sprays and cremes and scrubs. The boxes were pretty, the tubes and pumps and spray bottles were pretty. The lotions and cremes and scrubs smelled pretty. I couldn't wait to try them all and I knew Pat would be excited too.

"I'm going to Texas for a month. I will take this literature there and I will read it. I will try these products. I will get back to you when I am back in New York and let you know my decision."

I could not have been clearer about this.

That afternoon I got an email from truculent lady. WELL?!!!!! HOW did it GO???!!!! Did you just LOVE my mentor??!!!! She LOVED you and thinks you would be PERFECT for the Arbonne family!!!! Write back!!!!! Oy. Oy vey's mir. Whatever.

So I went to Texas and did my thing. Pat had begun trying the product and said it was good. So I tried it too. It was good. I'm not gonna lie. Shit's good. I even took some of it to Texas to try it while I was gone. On my second day there, having spent some good time with my kin, I sat down in the living room and got out Democracy In America... sorry, I mean, my literature on Arbonne International... and I began to read.

It was a beautiful and warm day in Texas. The sun radiated through the lace curtains, illuminating the red wood on the floors and walls. It was 11 am. At 11:03 am my dad walked into the room, passing on his way to his bedroom.

"Whatcha got there, son?"

Well, dad, I said, it's a possible business opportunity for me. And he stopped and sat on the arm of the loveseat (immediately) and asked to hear more. I began to tell him what I was reading and his face changed and became stone. Don't do this, son, he said and his voice had to air of absolute finality about it. So did his stone cold face. I looked at the clock. 11:04 He reached for the table and grabbed the main book of literature about Arbonne International. Instinctively, he opened to a page early in the reading. There was a diagram of how the program worked. It was an upside down triangle. It didn't have the three walls; it was just a series of rectangular boxes representing the system; but there it was: it was a pyramid.

"What are you boys doing?"

It was my mom, on her way to her bedroom with freshly folded laundry.

Dad is telling me why I shouldn't be a representative for Arbonne. When she asked me what that was I told her it was a skin care and make up line and you can sell it but you can also bring in other salespeople..DON'T DO IT. That was her interrupting me inside of fifteen seconds.

"In the seventies I was an Avon Lady and a Tupperware lady. You don't want to do this. You don't have the constitution for it. I'm telling you right now. Don't do it."

On the bright side: I had hundreds of dollars of free skin care and I didn't have to read James Michener's Hawaii. I took the literature and threw it away and I went into the Texas sun to enjoy my holiday. Until two days later when I began getting the emails from perky lady. What did I think of the literature? What did I think of the product? Had I decided to join the Arbonne family?

I wrote to her: my father, without whose consultation I make no business moves, and who was in big business (the name of the company, I will not put in print, but they are BIG) for twenty years and my mother, who was an Avon lady and a Tupperware lady, have both urged me (adamantly and with threat of bodily harm) to say no to Arbonne. I do love the product though.

She wrote back, saying it was cool and if I wanted to buy the product at a discount I could still join and just use the family discount and not worry about selling or anything. I told her I would think about it. When I got back to New York in November she was writing to say that I should join the family so that I could buy my friends Christmas presents cheaply. A week later she wrote to ask if I had done the procedures to join and was I enjoying the discounts. Finally I wrote back, saying leave me alone, Alex Forrest; just leave me alone.

I opened my email one day and saw one that Pat had forwarded to me. It was a reply he had gotten from some website called (something like) Pyramid Schemes Debunked dot com. He had written one sentence: What can you tell me about Arbonne International? What followed was a twenty plus paragraph breakdown of their copany and the way it works and how well it works for various people within the organization. It was all very clear, very straightforward and informative; but what I found most interesting was when the email said "if you want to know how well the Arbonne sales program works, go to Ebay and type in Arbonne and see how cheaply you can get the product that is being unloaded by members of the Arbonne organization who can't sell it." So I did.

Oh My God!! What you have to know is we are addicted to this shit. It is all botanical and it is citrus based and my skin feels amazing! It is also thirty and forty and fifty dollars an item. Not on Ebay. Every week I pick up Arbonne items for as little as five dollars and as much as twenty (it is very clear what the most popular items are) but at prices as much as half of what the company charges for them. Heavenly!

The only thing I don't love about the product is the way it is packaged. Almost everything is in pump packaging and the pump mechanism works, moving the creme up the bottle. When it gets to the top, the bottle is so top heavy and tall that a breeze will knock it over. I'm constantly picking bottles up off the floor and out of the trashcan. Thank God we always keep our toilet seat closed or we would have a real problem on our hands. It seems a small price to pay, though, when considering the kind of things I would be dealing with, had I not a father, a mother, a spouse and a humourous but honest website to protect me from becoming a glassy eyed drone talking about my white Mercedes.

ART'S ALIVE!!!

You would think that, by now, I would learn not to listen to other peoples' opinions! You would think that I would NOT allow others to disuade me from attending a theatrical performance, simply by telling me how much they hated it. Why, I remember how much everyone hated THE BEST LITTLE WHOREHOUSE GOES PUBLIC. I saw that show. I liked it.. a LOT. It wasn't the best thing I ever saw. It was fun, though. It had fun songs and fun performers doing fun performances. It never claimed to be Shakespeare - it knew it was silly and tacky and it wore it, happily.

Why, I remember how much people disliked the revival of FOLLIES, declaring it to be "not glitzy enough" and "B-list' casted. I loved it. I admit that some of the Loveland sets were ugly but so what? It was FOLLIES onstage and it had great American actors singing that inimitable Sondheim score. Even the man I used to call my best friend teased me for liking it (but he, and a number of my friends, are high falutin musical theater buffs who (more often than not) cannot be pleased. Not me. I WANT to be pleased!

Why, I remember all the people who told my how AWFUL the play AIDA was. I listened and I didn't go to see it til my diva, Deborah Cox, was doing the show - and when I DID see it, it was the last performance. Turns out I loved it and would have seen it over and over.

I did NOT listen to my friends who said things like (and this is a direct quote!) "THOROUGHLY MODERN MILLIE is the end of musical theater as we know it." Dude, I LOVED that play and saw it three or four times.

So.

WHY did it take me so long to see YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN? I know why. I have been kind of down on the habit people have made of turning movies into musicals - though I admit that it worked for GRAND HOTEL (ah, but that was a book first) and HAIRSPRAY; it worked for THE WEDDING SINGER (some think) and it worked for DIRTY ROTTEN SCOUNDRELS. It has even worked when they created stage versions of Disney cartoons (it cannot be denied that BEAUTY AND THE BEAST, THE LION KING and MARY POPPINS are successed, even if there are those who hated TARZAN and how deride THE LITTLE MERMAID). So, when I think about the trend in musicalizing popular movies (I haven't seen LEGALLY BLONDE and I may, yet -- and I will have to see CRY BABY because my friend is in it), eventually I have to set aside my pre conceived notions and man up and see the show. Not, though, when I resent the producers for charging almost five hundred dollars for a seat. I hate that. I hated it when Barbra Streisand started doing it with her concerts (opening the door for everyone else to) and I hate it when Broadway theaters do it. But hey... if people will pay those five hundred dollar prices, go to guys. This is America. Make money. Ok, let's set aside that reason for not seeing a Broadway musical, since I have loved them since I was six.... Having set aside those two reasons for not going, that leaves only one: I had heard EVERYWHERE that the play was terrible.

Guess what??!!

NOT!

Last Wednesday my friend, Josh, took me and Pat to see YF and when it was over I said "well this is VERY good!" I was amazed. I was so prepared to be underwhelmed that I was given permission to love the show, upon first viewing. How great is that! Theater that I get to go to for free -- that I end up loving! And Pat loved it too! We loved it so much that when Bobby offered us tickets to the Actor's Fund Benefit on Sunday, we took them, even though we had JUST seen the show a few days earlier! Yes. We saw the same play twice in one week. Loved it. Loved it again. Got the cd this morning off of Itunes. Will listen to it today on the subway and will love it.

I know why people don't like it. It's not high falutin enough. It's rude, it's crude, it's tacky. It's full of tit jokes, dick jokes and jokes about fornication. Um... so was the movie. People seem to want to elevate the film YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN to a level where it seems like some Frank Capra family film. It's a great film, a work of art and piece of cinematic history. It is also rude, crude, tacky and funny as hell. Every joke in the play is in the movie.. and then some. All of Mel Brook's films of his heydey were filled with the same. There is RACIAL humour in BLAZING SADDLES... racial humour delivered by a black man! The great thing about Mel Brook's work is that he never worried about offending anybody. He made the jokes so that we call ALL be equally offended... and equally entertained. He had a formula that made people consider him a genius. Now, he has developed a formula for his musicals. And it works. The style of this show is much the same as the style of THE PRODUCERS. The sets, the set ups, the songs, the direction, all of it. It is a GENRE. It WORKS. It is good old fashioned musical comedy laced with his personal touches--rude, crude, tacky humour and leg leg leggy chorus girls with big hooters and skimpy costumes. It's wonderful. Is every number a winner? No. So what? Not every musical can be RAGTIME, setting forth profundity and anthem after profundity and anthem. I don't know about the rest of the world but I don't go to the theater to have my brain taxed. It's nice to be given art that inspires the mind (I thought LIGHT IN THE PIAZZA was lovely and THE DEAD was sublime; but I'm also going to say that I wanted to strip the skin off my body while watching MARIE CHRISTINE) but it is also a great thing to go to the theater to shut your mind off and just be entertained. That isn't to say that the artists are not working equally as hard and that is clear at YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN.

Mel Brooks kept the best parts of his famous film so that those of us who are afficionados of that film can be made to feel like we are with an old friend. He and his cast pay great homage to the movie. Then, he added tuneful songs with clever rhymes and witty lyrics (also rude, crude and tacky ones!). Stro gave them fluid and fun choreography and visually festive staging (Pat calls the PUTTIN ON THE RITZ number one of the greatest he has ever seen - so does Josh; I tend to favour the ROLL IN THE HAY number). Throw in gargantuan and gorgeous sets, elegant and sophisticated costumes and ingenius performances and it's a great night at the theater (still not one I would pay four hundred fifty dollars for but I'm a struggling artist type).

And speaking of performances.

I'll do this in order of appearance.

Roger Bart. Do me. I know, I know... he's a straight dude. He is also one of the most talented people in the business. I have always liked him, personally, and always had a talent crush on him. He is good lookin, sure; but his TALENT makes him SEXY. FaLawLess. If he ever changes teams, I will be waiting.

Megan Mullally. Ok. She is a DIVA. She deserves to be a diva. I know she is a gay icon but I don't think she would be any less of a diva or icon if Karen Walker hadn't been the character to make her one. She has comic timing you can't buy, she is gorgeous, she has the BIGGEST voice, and (it has to be said) I am HYPNOTIZED by her breasts. Sorry. Hate to be crude but I think she could stay at home and send them to do the show for her. I love her.

Christopher Fitzgerald was out on Wednesday. We saw an understudy. I won't say the actor's name becaus I didn't care for his performance and I don't want to be rude and criticize him on the internet. He was aight; but not much more. Thank God Bobby asked us back and Thank God Fitzgerald was in that night and Thank God for Christopher Fitzgerald. He made it an entirely different experience. I've been a fan for awhile. Now I am a devotee. Freakin brilliant.

Sutton Foster, I have come to understand, is my favourite actress of the Broadway musical theater scene. I am, deliberately, taking Donna Murphy out of the equation because she is one of my dearest friends and has reached an iconic level of respect from people. Whether on film, tv or stage, people call Donna a genius. It is unfair for me to compare anyone to her. That distinction having been made, I want to say that Sutton Foster can do ANYTHING. I have never seen her do something that I haven't loved, absolutely. I want her to be lauded and nominated for every time she steps on a stage. I met Sutton on the street (a friend introduced us) two weeks before MILLIE opened and made her a star. She is so nice and so friendly and so normal. I would never have guessed that someone so normal could be such a star. Every move she makes excites me. She has such a way with the deadpan comedy of this character; she can pull faces so delicately that they sneak up on you and make you look at her, when it is someone else's scene - and it isn't an upstaging kind of thing; she is just doing what Inga would do. She can be gawky and clumsy and then dance like Moira Shearer. She sings like a freakin Goddess and looks like a beauty queen. WHAT GAMS. She is my fav. Nuff said.

Andrea Martin. Genius. Just genius. To break down the nuances of her performance would be to split the atom.

Shuler Hensley. How hard can it be to play a part that only grunts for most of the show? Hard. The monster has to communicate through physical and facial performance until he begins spouting Wildeian speak in the last fifteen minutes. His grimace of a smile says it all to me. The man is amazing. A MA ZING. And then it happens. In the last seven minutes he opens his mouth to sing; and God enters the room.

Now. There is this man named Fred Applegate with whose work I had been, previously, unfamiliar. He plays two different parts in the play - he does it so well that, during the curtain call, when it is revealed that he played two parts, the audience gasped! Most did not know. I will, henceforth, follow his work. He is simply wonderful. Simply. Wonderful.

Then there is this stunning cast of uber talented ensemblers that support these gorgeous actors so beautifully. I would be amazed if anyone were ever out of the show - if I were doing this play, I wouldn't even want to take a vacation. It seems like it would be a heavenly place to work.

Now. I know I am going to get flamed for these opinions by my friends who think I am an idiot without any taste or knowledge of what's good and what goes. Flame away. I know that I am on top of my game. I'm an intellectual - I read EM Forster novels and I watch David Lean movies. I can quote Zola and Fitzgerald. I am not some doofus who only watches teen sex comedies (those are good, too, by the way). I know what I'm talking about and I know how to enjoy a good piece of theater. That's YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN. Good theater. In my opinion.

And in my world, that's the opinion that counts.

Please note that the photos in this story were taken from the internet and not shot by me.

All About Applause

There has been a lot of buzz around the New York theater going circles this week regarding a concert version of the 70's musical Applause. The chatboards are all aflame with comments and criticisms regarding the Encores! series and their decision to do (and their production of) what many consider to be a lesser musical from an era gone by. Within these discussions people have touched on the original source material (the famed film All About Eve), the original leading lady from that source material (the great Bette Davis), the original musical production (legendary actress Lauren Bacall), touring productions and replacement casts (Eleanor Parker, Arlene Dahl, Zsa Zsa Gabor, Lisa Kirk and Ann Baxter), an ill fated regional production that starred Stefanie Powers and the performers who grace this week's production. Almost nobody remains unscathed, save for the original film and leading lady. Everyone has an opinion and the majority of them appear to be laced with dissatisfaction.

Applause has been an important piece of theater in the life of this musical theater buff. I was a small boy living in Ohio, craving to know more about theater, about musical theater and about the people who create both; that is when I began checking out record albums from the library and hardcover play scripts to read while listening to them. I checked out the books Hello, Dolly!, My Fair Lady, Funny Girl, The Sound of Music, Mame and read them while listening to the same cast albums and Oliver!, Dear World, Maggie Flyn and a host of others. Imagine my great delight when I turned on the television one night to find a made for tv version of a play called Applause. It was a musical about a great actress starring a woman I had never heard of but what did that matter? It was a musical on television. I was beside myself with excitement and I devoured every moment of the broadcast. It stirred my imagination and (further!) sparked my desire to be a part of that world. It became an obsession for me and trips to the library brought sessions of research to find out all I could about the show - and I did - all before the age of ten. When I found, during a family visit to the K Mart to do some shopping, that there was a cast album, I went to absolute pieces! I did not have enough allowance saved up to make the purchase and would have to wait a couple of weeks. Terrified that someone else would come buy it, I called every day to see if it was still there. "Do you have the record for Applause?" I would ask and a salesperson would tell me yes. After two weeks of this, a salesperson said "Why don't you just come buy it?" Eventually, I did. I played that album until it was scratched and worn. It was one of those shows for me -- and every musical buff knows what I'm talking about, in exactly the same way that every musical buff understood the Man in the Chair from The Drowsy Chaperone. It marked a time in my life.

Years later I discovered the film All About Eve and I was enlightened to the flaws inherant in Applause. That mattered not to me. My devotion to the play had to remain intact; even when, in my twenties, I was forced to do a bad production of the piece. By that time I had become an All About Eve quoting afficionado. I had read books on the subject and knew the backstories and trivia. I had read Lauren Bacall's autobiography and knew all her tales regarding the creation of the Tony award winning musical. I had spent years working in theaters around town, some of them as a dancer, and had reached a point where I did not want to dance anymore. I didn't want to do musicals - I wanted to do Lanford Wilson and Tennessee Williams. Nevertheless, when a girlfriend of mine called me and said she was playing Margo Channing and would I PLEEEAAASE play the gay hairdresser with her, I said yes. It was a nightmare of an experience. The director tried to rethink the script and cut and reconfigured the play. The musical director cut whole passages of songs (Welcome To The Theater became a two verse ditty) and, indeed, whole songs from the play, replacing them with new songs he had written. The choreography was non existent, as was the set and any of the glamour that makes All About Eve and Applause the story that they are. I was miserable and hated every minute; but I still loved Applause. After that production closed down I continued to listen to my cast album, throughout my adult life. It remains one of the few cast albums I play from start to finish, without skipping tracks; no matter how stupid some of them are.

I read that Stefanie Powers was going to do Applause at the Papermill Playhouse a few years ago. My mom and I love Stefanie Powers (LOVE her) and I got us tickets to the show. The script had been changed and the songs moved around and cut and it was almost no better than the production I had been in. She was beautiful and she sang and danced the role to great distinction; but mom and I met her after the show and a few years later when she and I worked together, she so much as told me that she knew it was a trainwreck. I didn't care. I got to see Stefanie Powers live in a musical I had loved since I was eight years old. That was enough for me.

The Encores! series in New York does concert versions of shows that people won't produce anymore - for whatever reason. Usually they are sort of considered flops by historians but they have a following (almost every musical has a following of some sort, however small). The series brings in great stars and does splashy versions of these lost musicals, sometimes to great success (productions of Chicago and Wonderful Town even transferred to Broadway) and sometimes to great criticism.

Applause has been the latter.

I do not know the entire cast of Applause (I hear the great Kate Burton is in it, have mercy!) - and the truth is that it doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is who is playing Margo Channing? That's what everyone wants to know. Who is the diva? Originally it was Bette Davis. When it became a musical it was Lauren Bacall. Those are divas. No matter how great the cast of Applause may be, individually, if they are not lead by a diva, the production is in trouble.

At the first performance of Applause, a producer made a curtain speech in which he announced that Christine Ebersole had been sick for the last few days of rehearsal and, yet, they were going ahead with the performance. It would appear that she couldn't sing the songs but that she did the show to the best of her ability and people forgave her because she is Christine Ebersole. I tell you what: I can get right behind that. I love Christine Ebersole. I am rarely starstruck but twice I have seen her in public and stopped breathing. I love her. I would give her the benefit of the doubt, too. I'm not here to criticize her or the production, not having seen it. I'm here, writing this story, to respond to the writings of chatteratti who have been commenting on Applause, in the wake of what (by all accounts) is a disappointment.

People have been criticizing the original production of Applause, the writing, the songs, the star... it's a critique that I have read often. So what? I have also read serious criticisms of that other Lauren Bacall musical, Woman of the Year. I didn't see Applause on Broadway but I did see Woman of the Year and it remains one of the highlights of my theater going lifetime. People seem to just choose to forget that art is an evolution and reflects the time period in which it is created. It may not seem like great artwork, now, in an age when the most artistic ventures are given support (both monetary and spiritual) that seems like a bottomless well. The arts community has greater resources now and fewer limitations; people are allowed to create visual and theatrical artwork that touches on subjects that, in the seventies and eighties, one would hesitate to put onstage. This last year, the Tony award for best musical went to a rock musical about teenage fornication. In the eighties it went to a musical about felines. Art is subjective and evolutionary. In the time during which it was written, Applause may have been considered to be innovative and edgy. Only those of us who were alive to see it on Broadway and compare it to the other works of the day can say, for sure, if it was considered a flawed piece at the time. It is, now, a museum piece. In recent theatrical seasons I have heard people say that Bells Are Ringing and Barefoot in the Park are dated -- well, YEAH, they are dated. They are set in other decades. They are revivals. Applause is set in the seventies, just as All About Eve was set in the forties (fifties? I think forties). People in the seventies could never have said some of the dialogue in All About Eve. Today I wish people could talk like that but we just DON'T. It isn't natural. So you must look at a piece like Applause as a glimpse of the past and just accept it the way it is. It will enhance your enjoyment of the event.

People have criticized Bacall's singing. Tough. When I saw Woman of the Year it didn't matter - her magnetism was UNBEATABLE. There have been any number of musicals starring people who weren't great singers. It is about the performance. People have criticized Bacall's performance on that tv version of Applause. It was the seventies. It's the way it was done. Believe it or not, there was an ability that people had to suspend their disbelief. People would watch shows filmed as stage plays to be shown on tv and appreciate the theatricality of the performance. Nowadays everyone wants everything to be natural. One of the things I love about old movies is that actors and actresses were allowed, given permission to, chew scenery and ham it up. There was a time when actors ACTED. So what if Applause doesn't sound great on the record album? It represents the art at the time it was created. So what if that tv version doesn't hold up? Transport your mind to the seventies. And when it comes time to see a current day production of the musical, remember that it is a revival. It is meant to show you what was considered good at the time. It's history.

People have been down on Christine Ebersole's casting as Margo Channing. They were down on Stefanie Powers, too. Well... I get it. It is not meant to take anything away from either of these remarkably talented women. I love them both. They are beautiful and talented actresses. The thing about Margo Channing, the problem in casting her, is that you don't want an actress. You want a legend. Not even a star will do. You must have someone who is so iconic that when she is onstage you can't look at anyone else. Even if she is just sitting there, listening to someone else, talk, while her left leg (crossed over the right) bobs up and down, you cannot look away. You must have someone in the role that, by sheer virtue of their being in the room with you, you believe is the greatest star in the universe. Bette Davis WAS Margo Channing. Lauren Bacall WAS Margo Channing. Remember, I am completely starstruck by Christine Ebersole. I am besotted by Stefanie Powers.

But.

To cast a proper production of Applause, they should have called someone bigger. Meryl Streep, Glenn Close, Annette Bening. People who walk in the room and take your breath away. A STAR. At the time when they were doing the show at Papermill, they needed Raquel Welch. In the early eighties, they could have used Ann-Margret (and anyone who thinks she wasn't up for the task, think again). OOH! They never could have gotten her but Margo Channing is Sharon Stone. What I said about Ann-Margret goes double for her. This is one of the problems inherant in a production of the musical Follies. When Follies opened on Broadway, those people were STARS... but they were stars whose day was waning and who had everything to lose by the show being a flop and everything to gain by it being a hit. Alexis Smith had been a movie star. Dorothy Collins was a recording and television star. Yvonne de Carlo had been a b movie star and a tv star. They had that larger than life quality that made the theater buzz when they walked in. That's who Margo Channing is.

A few years ago there was a staged reading of the movie All About Eve that took place in Los Angeles. Stockard Channing was Margo Channing. That's a star. When Stockard Channing walks in the room, I dare you to try to look away. DARE you.

I feel sad for the people who have lost the joy that permits them to appreciate an event like the Encores! production of Applause. It's a great glimpse at the past, it's a fun score, it's got a great leading lady and a wonderful cast of supporting actors. It's a night in the theater! What heaven is that. I think people would be a lot happier if they CHOSE to have a good time and appreciate what they have before them, rather than go into an event looking for something to criticize. It's certainly a lot more fun. Speaking as someone who doesn't have disposal income and cannot afford to go to see everything, a shot at seeing the luminous (even if miscast) Christine Ebersole in a (truthfully, less than perfect) musical would have been enough for me.

But I am happy with my cast recording and my audio bootleg of Stefanie Powers and my vhs copy of the tv broadcast with Lauren Bacall. I still have my strong attachment to Applause and I am happier than ever.

That's something to clap about.

Please note that the photos in this story were taken from the internet and not shot by me.