THIS Is Living!

This morning I sat down at my computer and on the aol welcome site I saw a blurb about Kirstie Alley appearing on the Oprah show in a bikini. Naturally, I was curious. Pat and I are devoted Alley fans and have been for an extremely long time. It was difficult for us, as health and fitness fanatics and as people who love her, to see her let herself get so out of shape. It went much deeper than the fact that she has always been gorgeous--we were deeply bothered by the fact that her health was at risk and also by the indication of unhappiness that is shown by so massive a weight gain. However, we cheered her decision to make the most out of her predicament by creating the show FAT ACTRESS and then by becoming a Jenny Craig spokesperson. We have thrilled each time that she has been shown in a magazine, thinner and more beautiful than the last photo. We have been with Kirstie Alley, spiritually, the whole way.

Now, this morning, I see this report online. I missed the show. Fortunately, TMX.com has a clip. I watch the clip and I see Kirstie strutting out on the Oprah show in a bikini, to the tune BRICK HOUSE, because a year ago she told Oprah that when she reached a certain weight goal, this is what she would do. She has a wrap around her waist and she, very clearly, will not lower it because she, very clearly, does not want to show her backside. BUT. She made a promise to Oprah and she lived up to it. Now...this is where readers who are faint of heart may want to stop reading because there is profanity on the way.

FUCK A DOODLE DOOOOOOO!!!!

Kirstie Alley is a goddess. I don't care if you don't like her acting. I don't care if you have read that she is difficult. I don't care if her truculent personality turns you off. It is demanded that you respect this woman. She got really fat--morbidly obese--in the public eye and she took the slings and arrows hurled at her. She said she would lose the weight and she did. She said she would walk in the bikini and she did. She made the most out of a bad situation and she is back on top. Even if you don't like her, you're going to have to respect her, that much is clear.

Do you KNOW how hard it is to lose weight? Imagine doing it in front of the world! Hell, I weighed 205 on a 5'8" frame. I went from 205 to 165 through diet and excercise. When I couldn't get to 145 (which was my goal for my 40th birthday--to weigh what I did when I was 18), I did the rest through starvation. Once it was out that I was anorexic, I had to find a healthier way to manage my weight--or deal with the wrath of overbearing and overly dramatic friends; so Pat hired us a trainer/nutritionist. On the last Sunday in June 2006 I weighed a healthy 155. One month later I weighed in at 170. I had gone on a binge but not a purge and I gained weight. Now I am down to 160. The point I am trying to make is that we are all human and our weight fluxuates (unless we are in the health and fitness FIELD - or the beauty business like models, actors and porn stars) and people will notice it. Pat and I are a part of a small community called The New York Gays and many of them go to the even smaller community The 19th Street Gym. We ALL notice when someone in the club has changed their body type. We can tell when someone has started a cycle of steroids, when someone has gained five, ten, fifteen pounds and whether it is fat or muscle. I am self conscious at the gym if I am not in perfect shape--they have all seen me on the stage at ROXY or on a parade float for Pride, half or almost completely naked. I don't want them watching me get fat and judging me.

Now, imagine being famous and feeling that way. There are people who see surgeons to fix their faces and bodies. There are people who pay expensive professionals to keep them fit. I recently read that Jamie Presley is never happy with her body and often says to herself "get back on that treadmill, bitch!" You go, Jamie. And you go, Kirstie. It's one thing to go and have your freakin stomach removed (WHAT?!!! Who cuts out a major and important organ, to lose weight?! What about putting down the pizza and going to an excercise class?!) in the public eye and have everyone say 'she'll never keep it off...'. It's another thing to be one of the great beauties, gain all that weight and then lose it in a healthy and natural way. Kirstie Alley has done it, proving to women all over that it CAN be done. Rock on, sister.

Well. Under the TMZ clip of the Oprah show, you can post a comment. The comments regarding Kirstie in a bikini range from really supportive to so offensive. People used phrases like 'thunder thighs' and 'HUGE ass' and 'heffers'...and more. I can't be bothered to get up on my soapbox and wonder why people have to be so mean. I know why people are mean. People are mean because they AREN'T really good at heart like Anne Frank said. People like being mean. They love making fun and taking the pot shot and pointing their fingers. They do it because it is easier than showing respect or compassion. They do it because they are afraid to turn the mirror around and look at themselves. They do it because insecurity leads the way. I know. I have done it. I have made verbal fun of people in my life--for bad fashion sense, bad hairdos, and more. I even went on my MySpace blog and described what gymwear turns a man into a twat. In an odd bit of synchronicity; Sunday Pat and I saw the film PEACEFUL WARRIOR again (fourth time) and I have been thinking a lot about the moment when Socrates tells Dan that he will never be better than anyone else--just like he will never be less than anyone else. Then, last night at the gym, I saw a man wearing an outfit that made me mutter the word 'twat' under my breath. Then I looked at my own outfit. I was wearing hiking boots, jeans with so many holes in them that you can see most of my legs and most of my underwear, a wife beater and a torn sleevelss shirt. I looked like a construction worker. I looked like a twat. I realized that if I am going to think someone is a twat for the way they dress at the gym, I must accept that I am one, too. AH. Soul growth. So it is not for me to point fingers and say 'you chatterati are being mean spirited!' No. It is for me to point my finger and say this:

--Kirstie! You look beautiful!! No, you do not look like what this country thinks is a perfect woman! You look like a real woman!

--Kirstie! You look mwahvelous!! You are a work in progress and in a year you will feel comfortable throwing that wrap off the stage and showing your beautiful backside!

--Kirstie! You are an inspiration to all of us who want to lose weight, who lost weight and kept it off! Lead the way, sister!

--Kirstie! You are showing the world that ALL women are beautiful! The ones who are rail thin are (well...some of them are a little scary--all those bones!) but the women with hips and a bust are, too! The women over forty, hell, over fifty are! You are FIFTY SIX and gorgeous!!

--Kirstie! You said you would do something and you did it! You didn't shirk your responsibility and take back your promise to Oprah! You are a woman of your word! Brava!

and finally..

--Kirstie! You have acting awards on your shelves at home! You have led the way and you have paid your bills through your commercials for Jenny Craig! Keep up the good work but don't forget to go back to work as the great actress you are and win more awards!

I don't really care why Kirstie did it. I don't care if she could no longer handle the barbs of the public and the reporters... I don't care if she did it for vanity. I don't care if she did it cause she couldn't get an acting job. I don't care if she did it to have a longer life. The fact is: she did it. She is a survivor. She is a warrior. She has changed her life and made her health better and her friends, her family and her fans will have her around a lot longer, now. Brava!

I know why I did it. I am not ashamed to admit that I decided to change my life because I am vain. I was pretty as a child, as a teenager, as a young man. I am not conceited--I say it because it was true. I look like my mother and she is pretty; so it's a foregone conclusion. Then I got fat and I wasn't pretty anymore. In the famous episode of DESIGNING WOMEN entitled They Shoot Fat Women, Don't They?, Suzanne Sugarbaker tells Julia that in this country it doesn't matter what your affliction is--alcohol, cancer, AIDS, whatever--people are sympathetic. UNLESS you are fat. Because if you're not thin, you're not neat. Julia's response is to tell Suzanne that "that face speaks for itself". I agree. There are beautiful women and handsome men who remain beautiful, even when they are overweight. Delta Burke is one of them. But Delta had to lose weight, too, when it became a matter of health concerns. So did Dame Elizabeth Taylor. It should ALWAYS go back to your health. I wanted to be pretty again, so I exchanged fat for muscle. But the bonus is that I can breathe again. I can walk down the streets of New York in August heat without wheezing. My arthritic spine bothers me less. I am more active, more healthy, happier. I stay fit because I am vain; I like being looked at, I like being cruised by men on the street and the opportunity to get laid is a lot greater now! But at the end of the day, when I am talking to my body and thanking it for all the hard work and all the gifts, it thanks me back for making this life easier and better and healthier. It's an Edward Albee and each day I work hard to maintain the balance. I am sure that Kirstie does the same.

I feel badly for the people who don't see the beauty in what Kirstie Alley has shown us, the people who only see the flaws and the distance she has left to go. I see the the distance she has traveled, the journey she is taking and the example it sets for all the people--men and women alike--who wish to take the same journey. And I have news for them:

You can do it. I believe in you.