Bad Spa Ja! Go Stand in the Corner!

Both Pat and I recently took trips to Spa Ja ( http://spaja.com/index.htm )on the corner of 8th avenue and 56th street, courtesy of Groupon. There, I had the worst massage of my life. I didn't write about it until Pat had his massage, so I could include both of our experiences there. He came home from his massage and, when I asked about it, he simply replied with a word he learned from our son: "meh".

At first blush, I thought the spa nice. The decor, the little free snacks on the table in the lounge, the massage room overstuffed with lots of health and beauty equipment... But I had a bad feeling about the massage, inherently, from before I was even on the table.

MY massage, you see, had to be rescheduled one week. That was the first red flag. The spa called me to say that my scheduled massage therapist had been called for jury duty and there was nobody to take her place with me. Tch. No way to run a business, if you ask me. I wanted to be accommodating, so I said ok and allowed them to put me off a week. When I arrived, my massage therapist did not come out to get me until 2 minutes after my scheduled arrival time. It took 2 minutes to traverse the stairs and hallway into the room and another 3 minutes for me to undress and get on the table. Then there was the 1 minute I spent trying to communicate with my massage therapist - or perhaps I should call her masseuse, since I got no therapy. I told her that I needed work done on my head, neck, entire back, especially the lower back and shoulders. I asked her not to touch my legs or chest, though the glutes and feet were fine. She did not appear to understand, nor did she appear to care.

Once on the table (ten minutes into my SIXTY minutes massage), I awaited her return, whereupon she began the massage and CHASTISED me for not relaxing. Repeatedly, she demanded that I try to relax, stating that she didn't want to hurt her hands by massaging an unrelaxed body.

I felt nothing. Nothing, that is, except her FINGERNAILS. It was the worst massage I have ever had in my life - and I have had some really bad massages. I paid $89.00 for a Groupon that granted me two 60 minute massages; and a choice of massage styles - and I asked for DEEP TISSUE. This woman didn't do deep tissue on me, she didn't listen to me when I told her what I wanted (made clear by the fact that she massaged my legs and my chest), and she stopped promptly, PROMPTLY, after 50 minutes. What is more, when I got to the reception desk and turned in my Groupon, they charged me 11 dollars in taxes that would have been charged on the original price of the massage, $130.00; all this after I tipped the woman on a $130 massage (I have worked in the service industry - I always tip, even on bad service). When I used my Groupon at the Jeunesse Spa and Enliven Body Works, I was not charged tax.

I am ashamed of the Spa Ja for the shitty service (yes, I chose to say shitty instead of a less vulgar word) I received at their hands. And even though I should not have sent my husband there, having gotten such God-awful service, I did; I did because I wanted to hear what it was like for him. He didn't have the horrible service I got - but he didn't get good service.

If you are in New York City and looking for a good spa, note the address:

Spa Ja
300 W 56th St
212-245-7566

I don't care how long they have been in business; they don't deserve yours.

A Trip to the Jeunesse Spa

Since my last entry on this blog, I am relieved to say that I have had some relief in my back. I am also sad to say that the relief has been somewhat minimal. Maybe 20%, at best.

What a drag.

The thing is (and I would love to think that my close friends will back me up on this - I think my husband may be the best person to vouch for me) I'm pretty laid back and optimistic about these things. This is a body, after all, and they can be mercurial. I mean, who knows why people have allergies? Who knows who people get arthritis? Who knows why some people age so, while others just stay youthful? It's genetics, frame of mind, spirituality, what you eat, how you use your body - it's a lot of things. I remember when I was really fat and my back hurt ALL THE DAMN TIME. I was trying to lose the weight; and, for as long as I can remember, I have been a runner. When I was a little boy there was always running and playing outside; when I got into my teens, I ran or biked in the hilly neighbourhoods of my homes (first) in Portugal and (later) in Switzerland. I always loved running. It has gotten harder, as I have aged, because of my knees and some other joints - so I do it less, now; but it is actually essential to my soul to, now and then, strap on my running shoes and do a sunrise run in Central Park. It is one of my most personal treats to myself. Anyway - back when I was in my mid-thirties and had gotten so fat and my back was hurting all the time, Pat and I went to Cape May for a vacation with AJ and Rob. Every day, I would run down to the beach and run to the lighthouse and back. Every day, my family noticed that I was in pain; the only thing that made the pain go away was whiskey - the problem is that it made everything else go away, too, which is why I stopped drinking, altogether. One day, AJ asked my why I insisted on getting up and running every day, when I was in so much pain and my reply was " if I don't, the pain wins. "

I have to be optimistic. I have to say "I have four working limbs - other people do not" and keep going, working with what I've got. It is who I am and what I do. I won't lie. Sometimes, I have to just stay in bed, or prop up on the sofa. Sometimes, I go someplace private and cry a little. Sometimes (ok, a lot of the time), I soak in hot baths with epsom salt. Then I make another appointment to see another doctor or specialist or healer or ... somebody, anybody, who can help me get better.

These last two weeks of not being able to work out because I can't even bend over and touch my toes... it's like being lost.

So what?

I'll get back there.

I've seen Dr. Lee several times and he is growing more aggressive with his acupuncture, determined to make me better. I have an appointment to see Dr Piken next week - I trust that this will be the appointment that does the trick. In the meantime, thanks to Groupon, I have had the opportunity to visit some spas and try out some new massage therapists. The first of these spas was

JEUNESSE SPA
http://www.jeunessespa.com/events.htm

The ambiance of the spa is really quite lovely. It's pretty and elegant, simple, relaxing. If you look at the website, you can see all the services they offer. The Groupon I bought was for either a 60 minute massage or a 60 minute facial. Groupon is very good about featuring a reminder that you should tip on the fee you WOULD have paid for the service, were you paying full price. So I asked what the full price for my 60 minute massage would have been. $95.00 Not bad. I have paid $45 at RUB A DUB (plus tip) and gotten great 60 minute massages. (You guys know Rub a Dub, right? The little walk in massage parlours run by Asian (usually) ladies? (Sometimes there are male massage therapists, too). I have paid $120 for 60 minute massages. The price always varies and, often, the difference in the massage isn't that great.


When I try out a new massage therapist, I like to talk to them; find out what they do, what their style is, what their philosophy/outlook is. I also like to let them know that I do this a lot, that I have particular needs and that I like to have those needs met. I don't like easy massage. I don't like (is Swedish? or Shiatsu?) massage where it's "relaxing" and "soothing". I have used my body really hard and I need (more to the point, though, is that I WANT) the kinks worked out. I don't think it is asking to much to get what you want when you pay someone for a service.

My massage with Sylvia was perfect fine. More than adequate, less than perfect. She was friendly and accommodating. She listend, to a point, to what I had to say; but English is not her first language and she either didn't listen or didn't understand. I asked her not to touch my legs; she touched my legs. I asked her to do no front torso work; she did front torso work. They make you fill out forms when you arrive and, on that form, they ask you to name specifics. I made it clear: hard, deep tissue - head, neck, shoulder, back, lower back, hands, feet. No legs (I hate having my legs touched - Dr Piken, Mike Babel, Jason Zimmerman will all back me up - I am extremely skittish about it). I rarely need any kind of massage done on my chest or arms. But my feet and hands hold a lot of tension, as do my head, back and ESPECIALLY my neck, shoulders and lower back. I don't think it is wrong of me to want what I ask for. Sylvia's massage was good. A solid B. She actually used some techniques on my neck that I hadn't felt before and they were effective. Once she got into the back area, I fell asleep. Now, here's my thing about falling asleep on a massage table -- it's very nice. It is soothing and relaxing and peaceful and restful. However, if I can fall asleep during a massage, then it isn't deep tissue - and what I ASKED for was deep tissue. Instead, I got some nice technique no my neck and a nap.

After I awoke, Sylvia gave me a wine glass filled with water and told me there was a sauna in the men's locker room and a lounge where I could relax. I opted for the sauna... which I couldn't make work. It certainly wasn't hot enough as it was; and when I tried to make it hotter, the controls were harder to figure out than a control panel on the Starship Enterprise. After a few minutes of struggling with the sauna, I decided to give up and take a shower. There was a big shower with an enormous shower head that was suspended right over your body. I don't get to shower like that often - most of the showers I have used have the shower head coming out of the wall. When I was in this shower, I felt like Faye Dunaway as Joan Crawford as Mommie Dearest. I was very excited. I turned the tap. It was broken. No water. No water.

My relaxation level was replaced by disappointment. I was bummed out. A sauna would have been nice. A shower would have been nice. Instead, I put my clothes back onto a body that was covered in lotion and toxins and went out into the world.

My experience at the Jeunesse Spa was not terrible; but it was not optimum. I give them a C+ for pretty ambiance and new neck techniques.

My next entry will be about the spa Enliven Body Works, which I left (happily) black and blue.

The Pin Prick

I just lost a week of my life.

Well. Not REALLY a week of my life. I did, though, had strict limitations to what I could do, physically, for the last week and, hence, couldn't work out. So, to ME, I lost a week of my life. It was particularly irritating because I've been doing so well at making it to the gym and to my bootcamp classes and on my diet and all the rest of the stuff that I do to remain youthful, in bodily operation and in appearance.

It wasn't my fault, though.

I lost this week of my life because I have a back injury. This is neither the first nor will it be the last time that my bad back injury will come up in one of my stories. It is a fact of my life, like having brown eyes or being right handed. It is like being part Asian and it is like being gay. It is a part of who I am; but it does not define me.

I don't know when, exactly, my back broke. When I was young, I used my body hard and I felt the pain of being an athlete... sore muscles, that kind of thing. When I was in my 30s and really overweight, my spine began to hurt so much that it sort of crippled me. Eventually, a doctor told me I had arthritis in my spine. Boo hoo. Poor me. I just thought I was in pain from the pressure of carrying around 60 extra pounds of weight. So I lost the weight. My current doctor, whom I trust and always believe, tells me that I have no arthritis in my spine. Groovy. In the meantime, I have a relationship with Dr Piken at Innate Chiropractic and when my bones need adjusting he takes care of me. So one would think my back issues would not be that frequent.

Not so, friends.

The back is a tricky thing. It is where I hold all my tension - particularly in my neck and shoulder -- particularly on the right side. I also have Tendonitis in my shoulders. I also have TMJ and am a teeth gritter. I also spend a lot of time hunched over a computer. So my poor little back (affectionately nicknamed Hillary Swank) suffers a lot throughout the year. I try to not make a big deal of it because, as I said, it's just an incidental part of who I am; but I also don't hide it because I think people need to know things about you. If people know that I am an alcoholic who hasn't had a drink in over a decade, they won't offer me a drink. If people know I am a struggling artist with limited finances, they won't ask me to go do expensive things with them. If people know I have a bad back, they will not be surprised or offended if I say to them "I have to cancel on you; I have thrown my back out."

Two weeks ago, my back went out. It wasn't one of those things where you turn this way and CLICK, you're back is out. It started to ache one day; then there was a twinge of restriction one day - then there was a moment where I was paralyzed one day. I knew what was coming. So I went to Doctor Piken. Danger, Will Robinson! quoth I! He manipulated my bones and the put an elbow in my butt. (Now, don't get dirty - this isn't a fisting story). He told me "sometimes, you just need an elbow in your butt" and he took his elbow and massaged, with every fiber of his being and all his strength, my right upper glute. He did this for awhile; and I left his office with aligned bones and a loosened up right buttcheek. I was alright. But not really. My back has a mind of its' own and it needs more care than that. As my lower back continued to grow tighter and tighter, my ability to function became tougher and tougher. I had to stop working out, missing several bootcamps. I had trouble at work -- being unable to bend at the waist, I had to pick things up like a Playboy bunny: back erect, using my knees to squat and pick up. Sometimes, I would spend the day in bed with a pillow under my back. Each day, twice, I would soak in a hot bath. I did all I could to deal with it because it is the only choice we have in this life.

I booked a massage through a Groupon that I bought, with a spa called Spa Ja. I was very excited to go; but it was cancelled. They called me the day before to tell me that my massage therapist had been booked for jury duty and would be out until the next week. That was last Wednesday and the appointment was on Thursday and I had been incapacitated for what was going on 10 days. During those 10 days, I had called Dr Lee's office several times but he and Mrs. Lee were on vacation. That Wednesday, after Spa Ja called, I tried Dr Lee one more time. Thank heaven. He was back.

My first massage therapist, ever, was a man named Bill Reese. He was recommended by my friend, Mark Irish, and that was one of the nicest things anyone ever did for me. Over the years, I have had many massage therapists. Some have been very high falutin people who did absolutely no good for me at all; some have been one-shot visits that amounted to no more than a waste of my money; some have been those Asian ladies at the Rub-a-dub salons around the city; some have been adequate, albeit forgettable, massages. Some have done more harm than good. For the better part of the last decade, my massage therapists have been Mike Babel and Jason Zimmerman. Mike came first and I was a devoted client for many years, until he moved away; and when he moved away, he recommended Jason. Jason became a great massage therapist for me, until he broke his wrist in a driving accident and had to take time off from his work. That's when I began picking up massages where I could. His wrist healed; and Mike a regular visitor to New York, I am blessed to have many opportunities to have both of them work on me. I love them as people - they are my friends and my family - and I love them as massage therapists.

Bill Reese, though, has been the greatest healer of my life.

When I went to Bill, I was a chubby guy in his 30s with bad back issues. Bill always treated me with respect and dignity and I didn't feel uncomfortable or ashamed being naked in front of him. He did great work on me and I always left feeling better. After working with Bill for awhile, I developed tendonitis in my shoulder. It was terrible. I could not pick up a gallon of milk. I could not raise my arm over my head. I was lost. Bill told me that I should try some acupuncture. As it turned out, he did acupuncture. In my childhood, I had been afraid of needles. Even as an adult, I didn't like injections. Therefore, I wasn't hot to hop up on a table and get pincushioned. I simply had no choice.

Bill's acupuncture technique was spot on and perfect. He found the points where the needles were needed and he attacked the disease inside of my body. I could actually feel the illness pulsing out of my tendon. I was extremely happy and grateful. I won't say that it didn't weird me out a little, lying on a table, thinking about all the little needles in my body. You just have to grow up and get on with it and keep going. It's called life, darling.

Bill Reese moved away. He left New York and moved to another state. And Pat and I have missed him ever since. In the years that have followed my time with Bill Reese, Jason and Mike have become my massage guys of choice and they know how to keep me moving and how to keep me happy. I wouldn't trade my work with them for anything in this world.

But I had to find a new acupuncturist. That was tougher battle to win. I tried five or six acupuncturists - and when the sixth one hurt me so badly that I couldn't walk home, I gave up. Then one day a couple of years ago, our beloved trainer, Ray Scalvino, gave me a business card with the instructions "go". I trust Ray the way Luke trusted Ben. So I went.

In Gil Lee practices acupuncture in a hole in wall shop on 30th street. When you go in, the smell of all the herbs permeates your nostrils. His wife is a charming little Asian lady with an enormous smile who always makes me happy, just by being there to greet me. Dr Lee doesn't speak very much. He says hello and he asks what's up and he listens. Then he works on you for an hour. He has been working on me for a few years now. Sometimes he can get it in one visit; sometimes it takes three or five or ten or twelve.. it doesn't matter. Eventually, I leave there in full working order. I trust him. He has done great service to both Pat and myself.

Last week, thank heaven, Dr Lee was home from vacation. I was on his table before the day was out.

My back is getting better. It isn't better yet; but it is getting better. I will be on Dr Lee's table on Monday at 9 am and on Wednesday, once more. Together, we are gonna work on those mothaf*cking kinks in my back and loosen up my lumbar and my glutes and get me back in my bootcamp class and back on the road to fierce physical fitness.

Please don't be afraid to try acupuncture. If you think you need it, research it; ask around, get names from friends, hear stories, and seek out the right acupuncturist for yourself.

If you are in New York city and seek acupuncture, you can find Dr Lee at 124 W 30th street between 6th and 7th Avenues. 212-244-0030

In future stories, I will write more about massage and Jason Zimmerman and Mike Babel. Stay tuned.